August 2011
3 posts
“Try not to curse, it hurts the verse / it proves that you got strong lack of...”
– Slug of Atmosphere, ‘Secret’ (The Fun EP)
June 2011
6 posts
The One-Hundred Rope Cumshot (2/10)
#11-20 courtesy of RJ Endozo. I’ve actually had these since last September. Finally getting all up into it now.
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11. Twilight Saga. I’m a fan of True Blood and even though there’s tons of gay vampires on that show, Twilight is about 100x gayer.
12. Fliggers. This title is subjective and to varying degrees. I don’t see myself as one, but others might....
The One-hundred Rope Cumshot (1/10)
I’ve asked ten people for ten random subjects that they would like my opinion on. Here’s installment #1, courtesy of Carlo Casuga.
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1. Hockey>NFL>MLB>NBA. Strongly disagree.Based on the percentage of the season I pay attention to each sport, the order is as follows: NFL: Entire regular and post season, NBA: Most of regular season and all of playoffs, MLB:...
TIE Advanced
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I could have sworn that I saw one of these landing at Moffet Field the other day. It was in metallic blue rather than gray but in absolute horrible shape. It was making a weird clanking sound on the approach. One of the wings was practically going to fall off as it approached the runway a low speeds. I tried to pull out my phone to take a picture but it was out of view by the time I...
Postoperative Self-Learning
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As you may or may not know, I’ve recently had foot surgery that will have me on crutches for about 3 weeks. Apparently, the doctor’s office doesn’t tell you everything you’ll need to know to maintain normalcy after surgery. Here’s a short list of things I’ve had to learn for myself:
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1. Scratching.Chopsticks are not always long enough to...
April 2011
1 post
Deletion / Clinton / Freakout / Depression
I’m sad so I think I need to write. But what about if it will only get deleted? I don’t know how long ago it happened, but when I searched through my home computer to look for some of my old music, it was gone. I don’t know when, or how, or why. All I know is that its not there. Now what? Ask everybody I know that I’ve ever shared any of it with if they still have a copy....
March 2011
2 posts
Latest Line (never too soon)
From the time/date stamp on this post, it should be clear that all news regarding the catastrophic events taking place in Japan and the Pacific rim are preliminary at best. Based on what I’ve seen on TV over the last 2 hours, I opened the line for under/over at 8,000. However, even though I don’t agree, I’ve been told that that number is a little low. Therefore, I’m...
Halfway Between
There was a night last week that I didn’t sleep. At least, I don’t think I did. From 3am to 6:45am, I lay in bed staring at the back of my eyelids but fully aware of every one of my son’s nighttime whines and every whoosh of wind against the windows behind me. My level of tired was barely edged out by my level of restlessness, as I kept thinking about my day as a zombie that lie...
February 2011
4 posts
WatchThis was removed from YouTube for violating Terms of Service. It’s just a boy dressed in drag, dancing to Christina… c’mon now. We’ve all done it!
Cry Rape, Cry Wolf
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Because on the day the government is overthrown, the first thing I’m going to do is celebrate by gang raping a white girl. Yep, that’s exactly what was going through the mind of a Egyptians as they mobbed through Tahrir Square after Hosni Mubarak was removed from presidency. Lara Logan was just trying to do her job and report the news. She’s relatively young and good...
Dueling Swords!!!!!
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My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father.
… Prepare to die.
Question of the Night
I’m sorry if this comes off a little sexist or prejudice, but it’s been in my head all evening: If you were playing pick-up basketball, would you rather have one retarded dude that can shoot decently but talks too much and doesn’t play defense OR two chicks of relatively below average skill that can play fundamentally sound ball? When I say relatively below average, I mean decent...
January 2011
1 post
Sharks (Sorry, no NHL here)
FUN FACT: Gilbert Arenas spends $80,000 a year on food and a keeper for his sharks. (Yahoo! Sports)
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July 2010
1 post
8 Famous Mollys
Molly the Mail Lady - Sesame Street character played by Charlotte Rae (aka Mrs Garrett from ‘The Facts of Life’)
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Molly Ringwald - Actress, Pretty in Pink / Sixteen Candles / Breakfast club / etc.
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Good Golly Miss Molly - Rock N’ Roll song by Little Richard (1958)
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Molly - The yellow tender engine from Thomas & Friends
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Molly...
May 2010
3 posts
21 Questions: Not Quite a 50 Cent Tribute.
To commemorate the 7-year anniversary of rapper 50 Cent’s release of the single “21 Questions” I’ve decided to pose 21 questions to my small readership while sitting in the sauna at Supersport. I’m not getting out until I finish, so they might seem less and less interesting as I go. Here we go:
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1. Is a personal massager the same thing as a sex toy?
2. Is it normal to want to correct...
Welcome to Hell! Part Deux
… You may not know this man, but he’s the Devil. His human name is S. Truett Cathy, the founder/CEO of Chick-Fil-A restaurants, and has quickly moved up to the top spot of people I’d like to kick in the balls. Here is why: …
“Our decision to close on Sunday was our way of honoring God and directing our attention to things more important than our business. If it...
April 2010
1 post
Movie Theater Time Machine
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Last weekend I went to go watch this movie with friends. Quick review: Crude. Had it’s funny moments. Good, not great. No classic, but not a total waste of my $10.75. What really moved me was the nostalgic value of the film. As I walked out of the movie theater, I felt like I was walking back through time. 12 years back, when AMC Mercado 20 was brand new and the hallway entrance...
March 2010
9 posts
Food Fight (to the death)
Who would win?
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» Guy Fieri «
… VS …
» Adam Richman «
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** I’ll tell you this, neither of them will beat heart disease.
Welcome to Hell! ... (part 1)
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For as long as I’ve worked in my department, there has been an older gentleman that comes in regularly to conduct business. Over the years, I have noticed a gradual decline in his overall health and, as of late, what appears to be the home stretch of a very long and fruitful life. Signs that the end is near include the inability to open his hand, drooling, the use of a...
“I’m expressing my inner-anguish through the majesty of song!”
– Ron Burgundy, KVWN-TV Channel 4 News
Untitled (How Does It Feel)
When I come into work this morning, I hear the story of Grammy Award winning R&B artist, D’Angelo, getting caught up trying to bag himself a $40 hooker. Why would someone with such talent, money and so many female fans need to pay for sex? Oh, wait… he looks like this now? Uh, makes sense. I guess understand.
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This may have been known to some of the celebrity...
“Oprah is a lesbian.”
– - Felicia Smith, SVB
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Agnus Dei vs. Angus Die
Its the 3rd Sunday of Lent. I’ve given up red meat. However, I probably ate a little bit of pork by accident yesterday. I ordered a chicken burrito from the Mogo truck. Let’s just say that the marinated chicken and the marinated pork look and taste very similar. But pork is white meat, right? WRONG. That’s what the pork industry wants you to believe. But its mammal meat just like...
Pirates, per Ava
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I was on stage with half a dozen other grown men dressed as pirates performing a song and dance number that Liza Minnelli would be proud of. We were all employees at my work, but I didn’t recognize any of them at the time. I’m almost certain at least a few of them were executives and/or managers from outside offices that I have yet to meet. After a roaring applause and...