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As you may or may not know, I’ve recently had foot surgery that will have me on crutches for about 3 weeks. Apparently, the doctor’s office doesn’t tell you everything you’ll need to know to maintain normalcy after surgery. Here’s a short list of things I’ve had to learn for myself:
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1. Scratching.Chopsticks are not always long enough to get the job done. I’ve had to cut a skinny stick down to about 2 feet in order to get into the deeper parts of the cast. This will vary on everyone, so you’ve got to learn what angles to take to reach the desired places. A lot of the time, calf-end is the way to go, however, you’ll find that anything on the top or heel of your foot is easier to access from the toe-side.
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2. Advanced level crutching.You’ll learn exact places where you need to stand that will allow you to use the bottom of your crutch to turn off the light switch. Also, leading feet first on a step is a lot safer than going crutch first. Although you can’t cover as much distance, you’ll find that sideways crutching down some hallways can be kinder on your elbows and items around you that may fall as you pass by. Every task becomes a journey. Most of the time, you’ll need 2 crutches to make the journey, but in some situations you’ll discover that packing light will be a better choice. Example: Pouring a drink. It’s not easy to hold a carton of milk with a crutch on each fist.
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3. Pissing while standing.You might think that sitting is easier, you’re wrong. Getting up and down without putting weight on your foot is very difficult without throwing your entire body weight onto the fragile porcelain. Thankfully, I had been doing a lot of single-leg calf raises prior to my surgery. This has allowed me to balance on my left and pissing with little to no splashing. It’s not perfect, so I’d still take a quick once over on the rim with a piece of TP, especially if your postoperative experience requires you to do #4.
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4. Two-finger diet.This is to deal with the nausea resulting from anesthesia. I’ve done this before under different circumstances, but I’ve never been a pro at it until now. Things to remember: Wash your hands and gargle with water before you start. If you use the toilet, wipe it clean ahead of time. When you feel something coming up, breathe out so it exits your mouth and not into your nasal passage or back down your esophagus. Timing is everything. If you do it too early, you’ll get a lot of dry-heaves. Wait until you’re at the point when you’re drooling. It’s like your body’s way of lubricating itself before you vomit. The more you do it, the harder it will be to get yourself to gag. You’ll have to figure out where your go-to spots are in the back of your throat. I’d try not to go too deep because who knows what kind of damage you can do back there if you didn’t cut your nails short enough. You’re better off sticking with the shallow areas in the upper part of your throat. A little side-to-side motion usually does the trick. I’m still having to do this because my digestive system isn’t back to normal yet. HELLO BULIMIA!!
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